a story...

Please, if you have never listened to this song...listen to it...NOW! :)

Every Season- Nichole Nordeman

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Don't you love it when someone goes out of their way to encourage you?  To know that someone is thinking about you and taking time out of their busy day just to encourage you.  A beautiful, sweet friend of mine recently sent me an e-mail telling me to listen to this song.  She said, "Isn't God so good that He gives us spring after our winters? I am praying for a sweet "spring" for you in this new year - a time of renewal after a time of loss. I hope this song encourages you."  

I responded to her e-mail and thanked her for sharing the beautiful song.  I also told her that I am just so anxious for the "spring"  to come.  I told her that sometimes I just get sad and can't understand, "Why?"  Why did I have to go through the heartache of losing a baby...a baby so planned for and desired?  Why does it take me longer to get pregnant than (what seems like) most people around me?  Why this?  Anything but this!  Why does this have to be so hard for us?  

My friend reminded me that we all have battles and struggles...whether they be child-related, marriage-related, health-related, etc.  She reminded me that there is hope through our struggles and that God will ultimately use "our greatest struggles as our greatest ministries."


You know...I love that thought.  And...I've had this thought before myself.  I have often thought, throughout this struggle, about the fact that I used to not have any "real" struggles.  I used to actually think about how "easy" I seemingly had it and it was actually a somewhat scary thought because I figured that it must mean "my time" was coming.  I didn't have a story...no way to relate to the deep loss and pain that so many endure....no story to share.  I've thought many times that this is my story.  However insignificant or small it may seem in the grand scheme of things...it's my story.  However much I wish it wasn't my story...it's my story. It's a platform from which I can help others, relate to others, and give hope to others in similar situations.  


I cannot stand before you and tell you that I am thankful for my struggles.  I cannot pretend that I wouldn't wish them away in a second.  But I am thankful to God for giving me something to humble myself...for giving me a way to relate to the pain and suffering of others...for challenging me...and possibly, for giving me a ministry.  A story.  


What's your story?  

*Christmas 2010* in pictures

Our tree with presents underneath!

...and our tree with a bad-boy-who-isn't-supposed-to-be-underneath-the-tree underneath:

December 12- Annual Christmas Get-Together with my girlfriends- 

Andrea, Megan, & Tia

Comfy "Houseboots" 

-My Christmas baking-

Cherry Snowball Cookies

Strawberry Cake Balls

Haystacks

-Christmas Sunday @ Church - December 19, 2010-

My little sister, Sophia (age 9), sang a solo piece in the choir's "Christmas Cantata."  She did an amazingly beautiful job!  I am SO proud of her!

-Family Pics After Church-

Sisters

Mother/Daughter

Mother/Daughters

Father/Daughter 

{Sidenote: my dad is the pastor of the church.} 

{Fun facts: he baptized me as a child...and he performed my wedding!} 

{Both events took place in the church shown in these pictures.}

FAMILY

Hubs & Wifey ;)

Little Beauty

Shon & I before a date to Logan's Roadhouse and to see the new Narnia movie.  Both were great!

Oh, and also right before Shon shaved his beard off. ;) 

The beard comes and goes.

Doug opening his Christmas presents.  

Yes, he really opens them all by himself!

Douglas posing with his new toys- Coon & Turtle 

"This is MY coon!"

Hubby with his presents from me. :)

Someone was a good husband this year...

Little boxes are always a good sign...

it was the fossil watch I had been wanting! ;)

Lovin' on my pugger-pooh

"Just sittin' around with mom..."

Us before church on Christmas Eve

(I was originally supposed to work at 7 p.m. but got a "budget" and didn't have to go in until 11 p.m. which allowed us time to go to the Christmas Eve service!  Nice surprise!)

Christmas Day @ my parents' house 

(My sleepy face is due to the 8 hours of working the night before.)

Gotta love our P.J.'s!

Douglas with our new hp netbook from my parents!

We also received many other wonderful gifts but I failed to take any pictures! :(

Douglas & Auntie Sophia

Christmas Cards

Love them- don't want to take them down!

I wasn't great at taking pictures on Christmas Day.  Sometimes, I think it is just better to enjoy it all instead of worrying about taking pictures.  Plus, my memory card was full.  And it annoys me to try to find pictures to delete from it.  Down-side of digital cameras. ;) (Or their lazy owners who never get pictures developed.)  I didn't take any pictures of Shon's family Christmas...which was the day after Christmas. It was full of talking, eating, nieces & nephews performing Christmas songs for all of us, gift opening, and watching football. 

We had a wonderful Christmas.  Our parents spoiled us way too much.  It was a nice, relaxing couple of days spent with the people we love and for that we are very grateful.  Hope you were blessed with the same!

Christmas Card 2010

This is the front of our Christmas card: 

(please excuse quality- scanned in)

This picture is on the inside of the card:

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Love- Shon, Beth Ann, & Doug the Pug

* Hope you all have a very special Christmas spent with those you love and filled with delicious food and awesome gifts peace and joy. 

my sister sings!

My 9 year old sister, Sophia, sang a solo part in our church's annual Christmas cantata.  I know I'm biased, but I think she did an amazing job!  She sings the very first part of the song- watch and turn your volume up to listen!



Sissy is SO proud of you, Sophia!  You are one brave and talented 9 year old!!!

sandwiched

As I lay here in bed with eyes wide open and heart heavy, sandwiched between my sleeping husband and dog, I feel my heavy heart beating inside my chest. I think about the words I just spoke to my husband before he drifted off to sleep. "Tell me something good," I said. (If he had a dollar for every time I have made this request over the past several months, he would have a lot of dollars.)"It's almost Christmas," he said. That wasn't good enough, so I said, "Tell me something else good." 8 seconds passed. "I love you...and we have the funniest dog in the whole world," he replied. I smiled, teary-eyed. I knew both of these things were true.

It started in the car on the way home from his parents' house.  As we drove to my parents' house, I kept thinking about the missing stocking.  Earlier, while sitting in his parents' living room, I couldn't help but feel sad as I looked at the 12 hanging stockings belonging to the grandchildren (our nieces and nephews). I could not keep myself from thinking about the fact that there should have been one more stocking up there this Christmas. I could picture the possible names of our child up there. I could almost pretend that it was there. The reality that it isn't, and that I don't know when it will be, brings waves of sadness and uncertainty.

I had envisioned combined Christmas card/birth announcements that won't be sent out this year afterall. I want to stop myself from wondering when we will have a human baby to be the subject of our Christmas cards-instead of (or rather, in addition to) our "fur-baby."

I desperately hope that we will be blessed with a child in 2011. In my frustration and exhaustion, I hear myself cursing 2010 and anxious to bid it farewell. I have no choice but to believe that 2011 can only be better.

I never know what will trigger my tears. I wonder how many tears I have shed this year...surely more than any before.  Only God knows how many.  I find myself begging Him for a sign...for something to let me know that my pain is not in vain and that it's going to be better soon. I wonder to myself, "When is enough, enough?"

And at the same time that my heart communicates this aching and fear to my mind, I am thankful. It surprises me that I can feel such conflicting emotions at once. I know that many have been through and are going through worse. I am aware of my countless blessings. I am grateful to be lying, sandwiched, between my adoring husband and snoring pug.  I just wish I wasn't also sandwiched between such conflicting emotions.

The truth of the matter is, my heart hurts and sometimes it hurts so much that it takes my mind hostage. That is when the tears come... when my mind is overwhelmed by the ache that is sometimes covered up but never really goes away. And eventually, I fall asleep, praying that tomorrow the joy will outweigh the pain. That peace will pass all understanding.

Then a new day comes.

Elf Yourself

I think this is at least the 3rd year in a row that we have made one of these "Elf Yourself" videos.  It just doesn't get old.  So funny!  Free, easy entertainment. ;)

(Go to http://www.elfyourself.com/ to make one of your own.)

Enjoy our dance!

Santa Paws

Christmas Card Photo Shoot 2008- Doug's 1st Christmas ;)

Douglas the Pug Nosed Reindeer

(The picture above made the front of our Christmas card.)

Christmas Card Photo Shoot 2009

Douglas in his P.J.'s

(The picture above made the front of our Christmas card)

I can't reveal the Christmas 2010 card photo shoot because I want to wait until I have sent the cards out.  Perhaps when we have human children they will be the Christmas card subjects.  Until then, you get Douglas...afterall he is, and will always be, our first baby.  Plus, we think he is way cuter (and hopefully more comical) than a picture of us.

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

Link up with Jamie for WILW!

What I'm Loving this Wednesday:

I'm Loving this coffee creamer.  By now, you all know that I love my coffee.  This creamer is what I like to call my "all-time-year-round-favorite."  There used to be a Kroger brand version that was really good...but last time I was at Kroger I couldn't find it.  The only negative is that I can only find it in a BIG container...and I prefer to buy the smaller containers.  Can you believe I can talk this much about creamer?

I'm Loving my new coat!  It was love at first sight when I spotted this coat out of the corner of my eye walking through JC Penney one day.  I could not get it out of my head.  So, two days after Thanksgiving, I found it on sale and got it for $52 instead of $150! (Click on link below to see a better picture on JCP's site.) It also comes in black, purple, and green...and is cute in all colors!  It is a juniors coat...am I too old to be shopping in the juniors section for a coat?!  Oh well.  I have no regrets.

Decree Juniors Ruffle Peacoat

I'm Loving my new boots.  Someone posted a picture and link to these boots from Rack Room Shoes and they were just what I was looking for.  I attempted to go back through posts to see who it was but couldn't find the post....so if it was you consider this your official "Thank you" for finding boots for me! ;)  (I got them in black.)

Kayden by Pesaro

I'm Loving this movie.  One of my favorite Christmas movies.  I watched it last night and still love it.  It is sad...but it also makes me laugh a lot.

I'm Loving feeling baby Lola kick.  It is so neat!  Having a preggo best friend definitely has its perks.;)

I'm Loving my family and looking forward to getting together this weekend at my Mammaw's house.  It has been a while since all of my mom's family got together....due to Pappaw being sick.  I think this will be the first time everyone has gotten together since Pappaw passed away.

I'm Loving the fact that Sunday night I will be getting together with my friends, Andrea, Megan, & Tia to have our annual Christmas get together.  We are doing a little ornament exchange, eating, and just hanging out like old times.  It will definitely be lots of fun!!!

Us last year...

As always, I'm loving this man....

....and this little man....

Weekend Recap

I had a great weekend!  I hope everyone reading this did as well!


Friday night, I worked.  I was in the intermediate section of the NICU which means I took care of babies getting close to going home.  It is not often that I'm in the intermediate area, but when I am I enjoy taking care of babies who are less critical and able to be cuddled and played with!  And I had a couple of very cute & cuddly babies!


Saturday was the day of my friend Megan's baby shower!  (You may remember this post about Megan & baby Lola.)  Megan is still looking adorable and she and Lola are doing well.  She is 29 weeks now...not much longer!    Her shower was very nice and she got lots of great stuff!  


Here are a couple pictures from her shower!

Megan (& Lola!) & Me

Tia, Megan (& Lola!), Me, & Andrea

(I made those tissue paper poms in the background!)

I love the picture of the four of us...because I love the women in it!  I am so blessed to have them for friends and I love looking at that picture and knowing that there are many more pictures like it to come.  I know that these three women are the ones that are always going to be there for me.  They've already been there for me through a lot.  They have cried for and with me, they have felt my pain, they have been ears to listen as I vent...they have been there.  It was nice to be together celebrating something so joyful...and I look forward to celebrating all of the joyful events to come with them.

I probably don't even need to say it- but baby Lola is going to be SO SPOILED!!!  She has so many family members and friends excited about her arrival...and she has three "aunties" who cannot wait to get their hands on her.  She will be smothered with love....and judging by the cute outfits she got at the shower and her shopaholic aunties...she will be the best dressed baby in town.  We have joked that Megan will be changing her outfit multiple times a day just so she can wear everything!  

Sunday, Shon and I went to church.  It was a great service as usual.  Then we ate at Qdoba (YUM) and spent the rest of the day hanging out at home.

I think our day today is going to be fairly similar- we are both off today and the temperature is in the TEENS! So, I don't think we'll be leaving the house. Brrrrrrrr................