We found out we were expecting Baby #2 on July 30, 2012. Let's back up a bit.
After having Holden, the subject of birth control came up of course. When asked at my 6 week post-partum check-up if I wanted to be on birth control, I declined. Before Holden and our struggle with trying to get pregnant and miscarriage, I had been on the pill. I do not know if being on the pill caused us to take longer getting pregnant...but I know I have read that it can. Going back on it just didn't feel right. It is a little scary to me. Whenever we were ready to have another baby, I didn't want it to take longer due to having been on the pill.
That wasn't the only reason though. Shon and I talked and we agreed that it just did not seem right to have wanted to conceive so badly before - trying for six months, miscarrying at 10 weeks, and then trying for nine months before getting pregnant with H - but to now "not want" one enough to prevent it with the pill. It didn't feel right to prevent what we had so badly wanted before. We were also convicted that it seemed a little too "in control" for us... on a spiritual level. We wanted a baby on our timeline - we knew what we wanted and when we wanted it. And now, we were just going to say, "No God, we don't want one now. We'll want another one when we want one....and when that time comes, we'll hope for it to happen right away?" Seemed demanding. Seemed that we were just blatantly telling God, "Thanks for blessing us with the child we wanted so badly, but please step aside now and don't give us anymore until we decide it's time." Just.didn't.seem.right. We also had the thought that in leaving it up to God, perhaps we would be spared the whole "trying" thing altogether. That time period when we so desperately wanted to have a baby but could not get pregnant/lost a baby has left its mark on us. That pain and frustration and desperation will never be forgotten.
That said, we still prevented. We didn't hand over our timetable to Him completely. I think we were a little scared and understandably so. We still prevented, that is, except for this one time. (Too much information? I don't know how to tell the story without saying that, sorry.) Of course, we didn't think much of it. What were the chances when it had taken so long before? What were the chances the timing was right...that everything would fall into place and make a baby? No way. That might happen to other people, but it just didn't seem like it was something that would ever happen to us.
A couple weeks later I was feeling very tired. Unusually tired. I had been running during this time. One day I went out to run and I just felt like my legs weighed a ton each. I felt like I had no energy. I told Shon about it but that was about it. A couple of days later, Shon (and Holden) went with me on a run. Again, I kept having to stop because I just could not do it. I just didn't have it in in me. It was very odd. This is when we really got suspicious. I had mentioned the possibility previously, but this is when Shon actually started wondering himself.
So... we bought a test. I took it and left it in the bathroom. I sat down on the couch and told Shon he could go check it. We discussed how there really was just "no way" it would be positive. Even still, I think we both had a feeling. I knew as soon as I saw Shon heading toward me down the hallway that it was positive. He was trying to play it cool and act like nothing was up. He handed me the test, smile on face. I reacted along the lines of, "Oh....my....gosh." We just couldn't believe it. We already had a baby - a 10 month old baby. Was this really happening?!
We decided then that we wanted to keep the pregnancy a secret until after Holden's first birthday and party. We just wanted him to have his first year to himself so to speak. We wanted the focus to be on him at his party. I told Shon that I just wanted to not worry (past m/c history made me somewhat of a pregnant worry-wart) and to just focus on Holden. And I did. Being pregnant is so much different when you already have a child. Naturally, they keep you busy and require all of your attention. There isn't nearly as much time and energy to devote to your pregnancy. I think this is part of the reason why the secret wasn't impossible to keep.
And now... here we are. I'm 15 weeks pregnant today! I can tell it is going to fly by. I still barely believe I'm pregnant... it is so hard to grasp. I am believing it more and more every day...and getting more and more excited every day. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about having "two under 2." But Shon says over and over again, "It's gonna be awesome" and I believe him. ;)
I also believe that God chose this time for us to have another baby for a reason. I rest assured that this is within His plan and His will. It is really quite amazing - to have tried so hard last time and to have not tried at all this time. God is writing this story. Once again, He has given me a story where there otherwise may not have been one... and I intend to give Him the glory.
We are so thankful. We are so thankful to be blessed with another child without the struggles we feared we may have to face again. I think about and pray for those who desperately desire to become parents every day. I know so many of you are out there in the thick of it right now. I am hoping and praying for you. My heart breaks for you because I know your pain, at least to some degree. Keep praying, hoping, having faith, and dreaming. None of these things are in vain. I believe He has a plan for you and I have learned to fully trust His plans and His timing over my own.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11
